So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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