but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
