A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
