You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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