As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
