So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
