I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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