Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You pole danced in your parka.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You did what with his pubic hair?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
