if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
