I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize