Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
NoShamevember. You game?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
