please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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