Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
