That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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