My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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