Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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