Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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