Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
