Christians are straight up FREAKS
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dear god my vagina.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
