dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you win again, gameday.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize