I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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