FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
