Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
