At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
