Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i think my mom watched the whole time
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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