I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
