I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
