Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
