eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
