I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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