Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
