its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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