I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
