dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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