my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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