So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
