Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
