Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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