i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize