I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
