GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
