In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
