i was born a porn star she said
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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