Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
