god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
