I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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