Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize