I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
