I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we're making bets on your personal life
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
