3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
