Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bring me that man meat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
