Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
