and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
