I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
