i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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