This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
