Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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