There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
