he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
