All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
