She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
