he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
