haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
