You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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