Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
