Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Randomize