Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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