Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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