life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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