I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
