Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
