I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
