i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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