The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
