So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
