I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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