He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize