Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
