She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
