Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
