just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize